02/28/2023

Good "evening". Christ, it's 1:45 AM so technically it's already the first of March... but eh whatever I still wanted to post a blog about my day while I am awake. My head is pounding and I can hardly keep my eyes open haha.

Anyways, nothing too eventful has really happened since the last time I had posted an entry, but I do feel like sort of a doofus for something that happened yesterday. As I mentioned, I have been feeling frustrated about being single. I was so upset that I ran into the bathroom during my statistics class and cried. I called my dad, spoke to him, and eventually left for lunch.

While I was in the cafeteria, I saw a man who I felt very attracted to upon first sight. He was checking me out from where he stood. He kept looking at me and we made eye contact several times. Being the shy autist I am, I became a nervous wreck and immediately scurried out. I still feel like such an idiot. This isn't even the first time that this has happened either. There's a guy I see at the gym sometimes who will be looking over at me. I catch myself glancing over at him, too, but I always get super shy and immediately look away.

After the cafeteria incident yesterday, I texted my dad about it. I found it so ironic that I was crying about being unable to attract the types of men I like, then it happened, but I was way too shy to say or do anything. My dad told me that this is my weakness and I need to get over it. Ughhh I wish I wasn't so awkward.

Today I ate at an Asian restaurant near the gym! It's so bad for my wallet, but I can never resist... I have been getting better at resisting, thankfully, but it is extremely difficult. I utterly love Asian food and would gobble it down any chance I got. I had a bento box special with drunken noodles!

While I ate my lunch, the restaurant's radio was playing 2000s hits (which I love; I dig practically anything related to the early 2000s haha). "Wake Me Up When September Ends" by Green Day came on and I really listened to it for the first time. I know that this song has been memed to death, but I love it so much. The song is about the singer's father dying of cancer while the singer was only ten years old. It's a song that really touched me because I felt like I could deeply to relate to it. I lost my mother when I was about the same age-not to cancer, but to other things. Aside from that, I also just love how emotional the song itself is. The song really made me come to appreciate alternative rock more, too.

Blegh anyways goodnight I can hardly concentrate.

02/26/2023

Good morning to all of you! I am deeply sorry for the lack of activity... I have been overwhelmed by school and work. I have also been renovating my entire Batman fansite which is a lot of work because I am remaking the entire theme from scratch. As you can imagine, I have been super busy and I am very drained.

I had a pretty good albeit rainy weekend! After the rain, we saw a gorgeous rainbow in the sky! I haven't seen one in quite awhile so I was very happy to have seen this one.

Our backyard has also been overgrown with African daisies so my dad and I moved some of them to the front yard! My last garden unfortunately died so I am excited to be able to start a new one. I have been planning on creating a separate diary/log dedicated specifically to my new flowers!

While I have been happy lately, I have also been in kind of a bad place. I eventually want to make a separate diary specifically for venting so it doesn't "clog up" this one... but eh whatever. I've just been kind of depressed about being single. I know it's a recurring theme in my vents. I'll just leave it at that and go more in depth when I finally make a new venting blog lol.

Anyways, on the bright side, I'm starting to feel really happy about where I stand in school! I currently have all As and my highest grade is in my math class! My dad helped me with a speech last night, too, and I am quite proud of how it came out.

I am also starting an ita bag for my husband! I am using this bag and using this fabric for the insert's background! I bought a few cheap pieces of Batman merch off of Mercari to decorate the bag with and I think I am off to a good start!! I will definitely keep you guys updated!!

02/21/2023

Good evening! It is raining like hell right now. Today was such a long day, but I genuinely had a great time with my sister and her friend.

We drove out to the city today! On the way, we stopped by the gas station and I ate two little mochis! Ugh, I love gas station mochi ice cream! I love all mochi ice cream in general.

The very first thing we did once we had reached the city was visit a big book and music store! I bought some new Batman comics while I was there. Ehehe, very excited to give these a read. ~

Afterwards, we visited a gigantic Funko Pop store. I won't lie, I think Funko Pops are ugly and overrated as shit... but I saw my husband there and I was so very happy! I could not contain myself and it is a moment I will never forget. Batman is Batman to me and I love him all the same!

I saw some other cool-ish (“-ish” because I don’t like Funkos lol) Batman stuff, too!

OMG ALSO I FOUND MY LITTLE BABY!!! I was so happy. She’s actually kind of cute as a Funko Pop so I couldn’t resist her. She’s on my dresser with all of my other foxies!!

I bought this tiny Batman plushie! He is so tiny and adorable!! He’s supposed to be Scrooge, eheh. I wouldn’t even be able to tell he was a Funko if I hadn’t bought him here… Ugh I love him so much and I held him all the way back home. I also took him into a coffee shop with me!

My loving, loyal, and caring husband was there to say goodbye to me, too!

On our way home, we stopped by a big shopping center! Unfortunately, I didn’t make any purchases as nearly everything was overpriced… but I did find some pretty cute shops!

I am beat, haha. Until tomorrow!

02/20/2023

I had a pretty fun day with my sister, today! First, we had driven out by the beach! We sat on a towel together and took turns running around in the water! It was a gorgeous day today and I saw a lot of beautiful flowers!

Once we were done at the beach, we made a quick trip to Target! I got a cute green top for $5.95 since it was on clearance! I got it because I thought it may go nice with my red hair color. I must admit that I also bought it because I thought it would be fun to dress like Poison Ivy given that I have a lot of floral accessories at home. When I decide to dress up like her, I will almost definitely show you guys!

Once we were done at Target, neither of us wanted to go home just yet. We decided to drive along the coast to another scenic viewpoint that we occasionally visit! The vast ocean can be seen from here!

The flowers there were gorgeous, too! But my favorite sight was definitely the little hummingbird in her nest! What a cutie! (Don't worry, we didn't get close. My sister's phone can zoom in from pretty far away.)

Another interesting thing I would like to share is that a close friend of mine and I started making Batman OCs! I love both of ours so much! I would like to share brief descriptions of both of our OCs!

My friend's character is the adopted daughter of Harley and Joker. After Harley Quinn supposedly had a miscarriage in one of the Batman games, she and The Joker kidnapped a girl to be their new daughter. The girl is of Japanese descent. Her birth name is Yue Ogawa while her villainess name is Baby. She has a chipper, childlike, impulsive, and destructive personality. She is extremely reliant on her adoptive parents and cannot function without them. Despite her love and loyalty to her adoptive parents, they often physically torture and abuse her. The two images of Baby were both made in dress up games, haha.

I don't have any images of my OC that I like at the moment, but I am still happy to introduce her to all of you. My character is named Jade Isley, the biological daughter of Batman and Poison Ivy. Her villainess name is Bitter Nightshade, but she is usually just referred to as Nightshade.

Nightshade was born as the result of Poison Ivy forcing herself onto Batman. Since her childhood, Nightshade’s father has rejected her as his daughter. Being raised by Poison Ivy alone, the young girl had grown deeply resentful of her father and actively tries to kill him.

I would love to go into more detail about her, but I would hate to spoil too much just now. I want to fully introduce her with a super detailed character bio once I am done developing the rest of her character and drawing her out. Since I do not currently have an image of her, here is how I envision her:

Jade has inherited her mother's emerald eyes and her father's black hair. Her hair is long and wavy. Both her everyday clothing and super villainess attire are inspired by the whimsigoth aesthetic. Her natural aesthetic is obviously derived from Poison Ivy while her dark, gothic aesthetic is derived from Batman.

Like Poison Ivy, she has the ability to control plants and is a master manipulator. Like Batman, she has keen intellect, intuition, a knack for infiltration and stealth, and is highly intelligent. However, unlike her father, she is not very skilled in physical combat. A few of her other weaknesses include her extreme loyalty to Ivy, emotional vulnerability due to her traumatic upbringing, being unable to control her emotions around her father, and being easily manipulated by her mother.

Jade is also going to be friends with Yue!!

Whew..! That was a lot. I'm exhausted so I will be going to bed! Goodnight to all of you! I am very excited to finish working on my Batman character (as well as my other OCs) so I can share them all with you!

02/19/2023

I suppose the most compelling news would be that I finally got my deity reading results! The reader took a lot longer than anticipated to send my results due to technical difficulties, but I am very glad to see that they are finally here!

The reader had told me that the two deities connecting to me are The Morrigan and Freyja! I was quite surprised to hear that they are my two most prominent deities. I was expecting Artemis to be one of mine since I had felt strongly connected to her since my childhood. However, after being given more information about The Morrigan and Freyja, everything makes so much sense! I believe I will be making a separate section dedicated to my spiritual journey with witchraft, but I would still like to ramble a bit about the accuracy of my readings!

The Morrigan was revealed to me first so I would like to start with her. While I was researching the different signs and symbols I had taken note of, I came across The Morrigan, an Irish Goddess who often takes the form of a crow and is heavily symbolized by them. I skimmed over several pages about her and did not think that she was the most fitting for me. Based on that assumption alone, I gave up on researching her. I am pleasantly surprised to see that I was wrong, given the fact that crows have become so significant to me.

Crows and ravens have been by far the most prominent signs I have received. In fact, I feel tremendously close to them. As I believe I had mentioned before, my father and I love to feed the crows in our neighborhood. We love leave leftovers or other undesirable scraps of food out on the fountain for them to eat! My dad and I love to watch them gather around the fountain and eat up all of the scraps. As I said in a previous entry, I also had a very vivid dream about crows. Looking back at the dream and their general importance to me, I can easily believe that they are signs of The Morrigan.

The Morrigan has also been described as a goddess who works with trauma, death, and protection. She is also claimed to act as a "stern, firm, but loving mother" once you get to know her. I am obviously not the most familiar with witchcraft, but I am very excited to get to know her and potentially work with her. I especially love The Morrigan's motherly aspect as I am somebody who does not have a biological mother anymore. I guess I could say that it is something I might find comforting about her.

Now onto the other goddess, Freyja. I was actually extremely shocked when I saw that she was one of my deities. While I was still researching the possibilities, I had come across her. I thought for a second that she might be one of my deities as she is linked to cats (an animal I have felt particularly strongly connected to lately), but I shook it off after reading that she is a symbol of sex, fertility, and romance-all things that either seem so far out of my reach or repulse me to even consider. However, once the reader went on to inform me about her, everything clicked into place.

According to the reader I had consulted, Freyja teaches witchcraft, divination, female independence, and also serves as a motherly protector (again, a quality I really like). I love the fact that she teaches witchcraft because, each time I have tried to delve into it, I have never really known where to start or how to go about it. I think that Freyja's presence is also a likely explanation for the connection I have felt to cats, spiders (I am a rare spider liker haha), falcons, and, yes, crows too.

Though I didn't receive Artemis on my reading, I still am heavily convinced that she is one of my deities. I have resonated and strongly connected to her since I was a little girl. I have always been drawn to her adoration for nature and the wilderness. Another trait that I have always deeply connected to is her chastity. According to lore, Artemis was an eternal virgin who fiercely defended her chastity. Aside from things a certain man did to me against my will, I have always wanted to hold onto my virginity. I have faced criticism, backlash, and abuse due to this, but it something I care very deeply about. It feels great being able to look up to and deeply relate to a deity in that regard.

As I said above, I really want to delve more into this and share more about my witchcraft and spirituality journeys, spells I learn, etc. in a separate area of my website! I am so excited for this!

That aside, I really need to quit being so toxic. I usually am not a bitch, but I have been lately. While my period has probably amplified it, I still really need to learn to take accountability and hold myself responsible. I really need to stop lashing out at others so much... even if my sister is genuinely one of the most annoying people ever and she's like the only person I lash out at or yell at. I also need to stop being so depressing around my friends and family. I often talk about how much I hate myself and how much I want to commit suicide. My dad and my friend have both told me that this behavior brings them down and is toxic. I agree with them, but I just can't help it. When I feel sad and overwhelmed, I feel like I need to tell somebody or I will burst. That's not an excuse for dumping it on my loved ones, of course. I might just make a more hidden area on this website where I can silently get my feelings off my chest without feeling like I am a horrible person. This is my virtual diary, after all.

02/18/2023

Christ, my period is killing me. I have done practically nothing except lay in bed for like the past three days lol. I have been spending some good quality with my dad, though! I am very happy about that!!

Today, I visited the hardware store with my dad. Usually going to the hardware store isn't very exciting, but I absolutely adore visiting the gardening section!! I love flowers so very much and I feel very happy every time I see them!

My new Jfashion outfit came in the mail today, too!! I am so very happy that it arrived! I was somewhat scared that it would not fit since it is from Japan (Asian sizes are very small compared to US) but it fits me perfectly!

My family and I finished off the night with a game of Yahtzee! It was pretty fun as usual. I am glad things are much better between all of us because I have been a bit of a jerk lately... Just period things, I guess, but I still take full accountability for how I acted.

I guess this is just a random thought, but I wish I could find an excuse to write letters. I know that letters are kind of archaic in today's day and age but I have a lot of cute Japanese cherry blossom stickers and stationary that I would love to use! Plus, I really feel like written letters have so much more soul put into them than text messages and social media posts.

02/16/2023

Good evening, apologies for not really posting. My period started yesterday and I have just been way too beat, blegh. I really just need some time to rest... even though I have been in bed practically all day.

Even if I'm super drained right now, I am very happy about my grades! I was able to bump my public speaking grade from a C all the way up to a 97% A+!! I fixed my grade on a big assignment and that really changed everything! I also got extra credit points on my recent Statistics test so my current grade in Statistics is a full 100% A+!! I am so very proud of myself! I was honestly kind of certain that I would fail that test.

My dad gave a tiny piece of hamburger bun bread to my little baby and I thought she looked adorable eating it! I also honestly just wanted an excuse to show her to all of you! I eventually plan on writing up a page about her when I find some time!

Last night I also had a dream about crows. It was super vivid. I remember seeing a crow flying high in the sky. Then it switched to a crow sitting in front of me and staring at me. I remember a voice talking to me, too, but I can't really remember what I said... I find this especially interesting since I have been getting back into witchcraft and spirituality lately. I have also been trying to discover who my deities are. Apparently seeing and/or feeling connected to animals could potentially be a sign from the gods so maybe this means something? I have been close to crows for a long time anyways. My dad and I love to leave food out for them; usually spam, leftovers we didn't finish, and bread! They love it and they have grown to really trust us.

Anyways, I'm really trying to improve my attention span. Attention is something I have honestly struggled with for nearly my entire life. I can guarantee you that, if I am not super interested in whatever the topic is, I am daydreaming and zoning off. It's a very bad habit of mine. I especially struggle with this in math classes. For instance, I was fully attentive and listening yesterday yet I still felt like I was hearing a foreign language.

A big reason I am trying to fix my attention span is because I really want to get back into reading. The last time I had really sat down and read a book (I mean really read a book) was quite a few years ago when I read Abigail Shrier's Irreversible Damage. I was a young adult freshly out of her teenage trans phase. I wanted to read more gender critical literature since I had never seen any books written from that perspective. I eventually plan on writing up and posting a review about this book since it is one of my favorites to date.

That being said, some friends have actually piqued my interest in feminism as well. A few literature recommendations that really stood out to me were Right Wing Women by Andrea Dworkin and Why Does He Do That? Inside The Minds of Abusive And Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft. One of these friends has told me that I should especially read these two given my experiences with abuse and conservatism in the past.

02/14/2023

Happy Valentine's Day! I hope that everybody has a very fun Valentine's!

Despite the fact that I ranted about dating yesterday, I am really not bothered by being single today. I feel kind of apathetic towards it. Of course I would love to have a romantic partner, but I am not beating myself up over it today. I think that is a very good thing because, in the past, I used to be very bothered by this kind of thing-particularly in my teenage years. Meh, I am just very excited that my sister, her friends, and I are going to have a great day today!

Once I am back from the picnic today, I will likely write up appreciation paragraphs for my family members, my parrot, and maybe a few of my favorite fictional crushes as well! Stay in tune!

We had a great time today!! The weather was godawful, but we were still able to have our picnic! My sister, her friends, and I had a spectacular Galentine's Day today!

We started the day by playing group games together. The first game we played was For The Girls! If you do not know what that game is, it is an adult game where the participants dare each other, reveal experiences, etc! Unfortunately I lost due to the nature of the game oof, but it was super fun! As part of one of the dares, I forced one of the girls to post a questionable photo of Batman on her story! I was dying, lol!! The second game we played is called Chameleon. It's a bit more obscure, so I won't bother explaining it haha.

One of our buddies made a Galentine's cake today! It was so cute even if I am not really a strawberry cake fan. I had two slices!

Once we were done laughing and playing together, we went to get boba together! I got my usual Thai Tea, but sadly it left me with a pretty bad stomach ache. Oof, don't know if I will get boba again. Regardless, I really love this pic I took of it in front of the flowers!

Once my sister and I got back to the house, we put all of the flowers we receieved today into a vase! I love how they all look! We got some from a poor seller on the side of the street (mainly to support him), some free red flowers at Target, and some from the friends!

Regardless of your relationship status, I hope that all of you had a spectacular day today! I hope that all of you were able to spend quality time with loved ones or just by yourself if you prefer that!!

I am in a very good mood right now since I was able to bump my Public Speaking grade to an A+!! I really could not be happier rn!

02/13/2023

Good morning, friends! I have been very stressed and anxious, but I guess I am starting to calm down. My stress is mostly from the dating issues I have had as of lately. I already kind of mentioned it in my last entry, so I won't really talk about it again for now (wouldn't want to be repetitive or annoying haha). I also just feel like a huge jerk for how I treated my dad last night... oh well, just have to forgive myself, take accountability, and move on I guess.

Currently, I am waiting for my math class to start. I am just dilly dallying around-having a fun time making dolls on DollDivine! Wow, the nostalgia is so strong... I really used to love these doll sites as a kid and had no idea how much I missed them haha!

Despite my anxiety, I have had a pretty good day so far. My job had donuts for Valentines Day (tomorrow) so I had a half of one out of temptation hehe. I am quite proud of myself since I also got a lot of work done today!!

Since the pandemic happened, I haven't been super great about studying for my classes. I really lost a lot of my motivation and I really want it back. The constant staring at my phone screen over the quarantine really turned me apathetic towards schoolwork. However, I have been trying to regain the motivation I had as a high schooler. Thankfully, I have been able to maintain my position in two honors programs!

My sister, her friends, and I are going to go on a picnic for Valentine's Day! I might also take the opportunity to write about why I love my fictional crushes bc I'm just cringe like that.

02/12/2023

Good morning! My sleep schedule is kind of screwed from yesterday... meh, whatever. I'm not really doing anything important today, anyways. As I said, today is some Super Bowl thing and I don't really care about it. I'm just lazily lying in bed until I garner the motivation to get up and make today's salad.

Today I woke up to a pretty... interesting? text from my dad. Apparently a friend of his told him that a furniture store owner's son wants to get into contact with me. I have never heard a word about him and I have no idea how he knows about me, but I suppose I'm okay with talking to him. I don't know. I'll talk to him, but I just get really wary and distrustful around men. Maybe he's a great individual. I don't want to stereotype, but I have just had way too many bad experiences with dating men. I think I might get around to uploading a rant to my "Essays & Rambles" area specifically about this type of thing.

Now it's much later and I found out that the guy is apparently "a bit overweight"... Hmmm, sorry. I'm not really into that. I can talk to him and be his friend, maybe, but I'm not into overweight guys. Plus, I would always be worried that he would have ulterior motives. Maybe he would be waiting for me to let my guard down or something. It's just not a scenario I would like. However, I would be willing to just chat I guess.

It's kind of funny because I like "thicc" women (not obese or fat, but like a teensy bit chubby if yk what I mean) and find them attractive but overweight men aren't really something I feel attraction to. Maybe I'm shallow or a hypocrite. who knows. It's just my preference.

I had a pretty bad emotional meltdown tonight. I admit I was being super immature; I whined like a little kid. I'm usually pretty good at handling my emotions, but my period is coming soon so, oh, you know. I apologized to my dad and we made up, thankfully! My family and I have gotten super into playing Yahtzee lately! It's such a fun way to unwind, connect, and put the freaking phone down!!

Oof, I admit that I kind of gave into some impulses and ordered some cute new clothes today. I really love to go for either a cuetsy or vintage (usually 90s) look! I bought a cute little Jfashion dress today and I would be so happy to show you all!! Super excited! However, I feel like kind of a jerk since I swooped in and bought it right after someone sent an offer... I couldn't help myself! At least it will be mine now.

I've been procrastinating on my public speaking homework. Gotta finish it! Bye bye! Goodnight to everybody!

Just a quick update: I finished all of my public speaking homework on time and I was able to bump my grade from 64% to 91%!! I am so very proud!

02/11/2023

Good evening! Today was quite exhausting... but I also had a lot of fun! My sister got me up at 4:00 AM as a surprise and told me that she wanted to take me to the city! Of course, I didn't hesitate to come with her, hehe! I love spontaneous huge trips. Heck, I honestly just love to get out of the house in general!

The drive up to the city was pretty dark as expected. We stopped by Starbucks and I got a bacon gouda sandwich with an iced water! Yum! We just kind of chatted and listened to music on our way to the city!

Once we arrived in the area, we drove up a steep hill and to an observatory! The view of the city and the sunrise was utterly breathtaking!!

I saw a little robin in a tree! He was such a cutie pie! I couldn't resist taking his photo! The yellow tree he was in was so gorgeous, too! I love the flowers on it so much!

Once we finished taking in the beautiful views, we drove back down to the city. We originally had plans to visit a few shops, but it was unfortunately too safe outside. Plus, it was much too early. Neither of us wanted to spend too much time just waiting for some shops to open.

As we left, we took a coast highway back home. I had gotten to see some scenic areas that I had never seen before! It was so exciting! We also had gone across a massive bridge. My sister was pretty terrified of it, but I was laughing my ass off and enjoying the entire thing!

The views of the ocean on our way home were magnificent! I have never seen this little area before and I am so glad I got a decent photo of it!

The rest of the day was pretty alright. I hit the hay as soon as I got home. I slept pretty much the entire day, lol! Now I will probably be awake all night.... meh, not a problem. I have nothing important tomorrow, anyways. Tomorrow is the Super Bowl so I'm just going to sit around bored at home. I'll probably just be coding stuff on here all day. Later!

02/10/2023

Good afternoon! Whew, it has been awhile since I have done this... I am happy to be reunited with those I had previously known!

I have had a decent day so far! Work wasn't very busy this morning, so I just coded away on the laptop and did some of my homework. My boss had a talk with me this morning-not about anything bad, thankfully, she just wanted to touch base.

I have started reviewing every episode of Batman: The Animated Series on my other site! I watched the first episode for the very first time today and I had written up my review for it, too! I hadn't seen this episode in the past since the episodes were listed out of order on the site I used to watch the series, originally. Anywaaays, as you might know, I was already kind of simping for Catwoman before; her role in Batman Returns really made me fall in love with her hehe... but now I am really down bad for her. Ugh, I adore her in Batman: The Animated Series she's super sexy and badass!! I really have a big weakness for blonde women if you can't tell, haha. I am kind of in my Catwoman simping/fangirling era!